Silliness

A week ago I posted the following to the Assif mailing list:

Sunday 28 January 2007 / 9 Shevat 5767

Greetings, Assifniks! Though it's occurred to me that, strictly speaking, I ought not to be referring to assEEF but OSSif. Consequently, I have decided to put out this mailshot in the Ashkenazi pronunciation. (If you can't follow it, don't worry: it doesn't say anything that's not in the last one; it's just intended as light entertainment.)

This Shabbos is Parshas Beshalach; Shabbos beigins oss 4.36pm.

In this email:
*Sunday 4th Februory: Tu Bishvat Gereen Fair, 11.30am-3pm, Seternberg Ceinser
*Feriday 9th February: Ossif seirvice, and meal oss the Wisseinberg/Shelaumau haum.

*Sunday 4th Februory: Tu Bishvat Gereen Fair, 11.30am-3pm, Seternberg Ceinser

On Sunday 4 Februory, the NNLS is haulding o Tu Bishvat Gereen Fair, fraum 11.30am-3.00pm oss the Seternberg Ceinser.

Hauw con we take perocsical acsiaun in respaunse to our enviraunmeinsol cauncerns? Hauw does this link to our Jewish volues?

Come and learn maur obout:

• our laucol enviraunmeins
• making our haumes sustainoble (including gereen audits, daumeistic renewoble einergy and recycling)
• gereen cars and troveil
• gereen and eithicol caunsumeir perauducts
• eithicol investmeins and corbon[1] terading[2]

[1] The secaund "O" is (by auctauriol fiot) o choteif kamots.

[2] Pelonting trees faur every burnt auffeiring.

There will be sepeakers, setolls and perauducts faur sale.

For childrein, there will be:

• enviraunmeinsol games (fraum 11am, in ossauciasion with the cheider)
• setauryselling
• corbon footprint eixercise[3]

[3] "My sheep's bigger than yours!"

Caum olaung and make o change! Einsry is feree; everywaun weilcaum.

*Feriday 9th February: Ossif seirvice, and meal oss the Wisseinberg/Shelaumau haum.

The neixes Feriday nighs seirvice will be aun the ninth auv Februory, and will be faullauwed by o meal for young people oss the haum auv Rabbi Yehaunosson Wisseinberg and Nikki Shelaumau.

ssfn,
Michoel (Ossif caummunicasions) aun beiholf auv the Ossif commissee [TINC]

Do not adjust your sets; we now return you to your regular service...

:o)

(no subject)

Last night I received an email posted via the (spambot-proofed) link on my website, from one "David Ben Ariel": "Shavua tov Michael. Check out Beyond Babylon @ http://beyondbabylon.blogspot.com."

Huh? Who is this guy? Where did he find my website?

It wasn't hard to find the answers: they're right there on his blog. He's a Christian-Zionist, and author of a book about (quoting the Amazon blurb) "the clear and present danger Germany poses to world peace." Or, as one of the Amazon reviewers (only a single click away from his blog) put it:

David Ben-Ariel, dim-witted author at best has decided to enlighten the world with his fanatical fantasies. Does he have any actual evidence to back up any of his claims? Nope. Is his name Ben-Ariel? Nope, that's a name he made up to feel closer to the nation he is not a part of. So, He's an American that plays make believe for his family history. But besides his delving into religo-sci-fi, most don't realize that this guy was arrested, interrogated, imprisoned, and kicked out of Israel for attempting to blow up the Al-Aqsa mosque in 1996. His Visa was removed, and he has not been allowed to return since.

The book itself, as stated earlier has no factual basis. If you want a good sci-fi read, then this is one that will have you shaking your head in utter disbelief, or rolling with laughter at its absurdity. But if you are looking for a book based in reality on Israel, then this is one to avoid.

So thanks, Dave, or whatever your name is, for not pretending very hard to be something you aren't; I don't think I shall be checking your blog out.

(no subject)

My Newcastle Day Limmud talk proposal has been accepted. *Ulp!*