My mother

[lethargic_man]

I've been humming and ha-ing about whether to post this, and where, and visible to whom, for a while...

My mother is dying. She got breast cancer in 1999, and after chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy, and five years without cancer, was given a clean bill of health. Unfortunately, it appears they didn't get all the cancer cells, and it came back, having metastatised to her bones (where it was inoperable), in late 2010. It's now metastatised further still, and she's been told she's got weeks to live, or could possibly even die overnight at any time.

When the time comes—which I'm hoping won't be until after I've got to say goodbye to her (tomorrow), and she's got to celebrate her birthday (Friday), and (purely for selfish reasons) after I've got to celebrate Simchas Torah in a week and a half—the funeral and shiva will be in Newcastle.

I appreciate that it's a long way for all of you to come, but it still makes me sad that it's going to be entirely my parents' friends turning up, and none of my own. So I thought I'd let you know in advance, on the offchance any of you could plan to turn up in advance, which you would not be prepared to do at zero notice. (Don't feel under any obligation, though.)

Comments

[liv]

I am so sorry to hear this; it's not a huge surprise since the bad news a couple of years back, but it's still terrible news that things have reached this point. I do hope that the last phase of your mother's life is as gentle as can be. Nothing's good in this situation but if you can at least visit while you still have the chance that will be a tiny improvement over the alternative. Is she at home or in a medical environment / hospice?

If at all possible I will try to make it to the funeral or at least one of the nights of shiva; obviously it depends exactly when and how that fits with work commitments but I will do my best to be there.

I know people always say this and it can seem kind of meaningless, but is there anything I can do to support you otherwise? I'm thinking with great sympathy of all of you.

[iddewes]

I'm so sorry to hear this :( I really hope she will still be around when you are there. I would come if I could but you know how far away I am.

[lethargic_man]

Is she at home or in a medical environment / hospice?

She was taken to hospital with gut problems a few weeks ago; they turned out to be two new tumours, and she's been there ever since. There's been talk of releasing her home this week, but I'm not sure she's up to it. She's also on continuous oxygen, since she has breathing difficulties; there's nothing showing on her chest X-rays and scans, but they think her lungs must be riddled with microtumours.

If at all possible I will try to make it to the funeral or at least one of the nights of shiva; obviously it depends exactly when and how that fits with work commitments but I will do my best to be there.

Thanks, and I understand if you can't make it.

[khiemtran.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry to hear it. Wishing you and yours strength.

[green_knight]

You have better words than I.

It is unlikely that I will be able to make it, but I am sending my best thoughts for all of you. Have strength in these difficult times.

<Hugs>

[hatam_soferet]

I'm sorry, old thing. I hope things happen with as little pain as possible.

[lethargic_man]

"Old thing". You couldn't know the resonance that would have for me: I quoted my mother a few weeks ago the line in the Yom Kippur liturgy about God not casting us off in our old age; she responded, "I'm not old! I haven't reached my threescore years and ten!" (She'll be sixty-five, if she lives to see it, in three days.) I said, "You are, by the standards of those who wrote these prayers." But she has a point nonetheless.

Even so, the birthday feels significant to me: It'll make her closer to seventy than sixty...

[hatam_soferet]

Owch. Sorry. Sympathies.