Getting me out of the house and attending things

[lethargic_man]

In the run-up to my coming out of mourning, I was determined to go and do lots of the things I was unable to as a mourner. Well, I've made a start: aside from Limmud, I've been to my first ever ballet performance, and am going to a Taraf de Haïdouks concert, and a ceilidh next month. And I have just now signed up for the BBC's newsletter that tells me when tickets for their recordings become available; I have fond memories of the recording to "Just A Minute" I attended a few years ago.

But with the return to work, I find myself increasingly disinclined to get off my tochus and leave the house (or even just my chair) in the evening, and keep passing things by. For example, UK Jewish Film are screening The Dove Flyer at JW3 atm; the last two performances are this Thursday and Sunday, but I find myself saying to myself, oh, I can just watch that on a DVD at home some time in the future, for less money, and not having to shlep all the way to JW3. (Only I probably won't.) (Though if anybody wants to talk me into coming to see it with them on Sunday evening, I'm probably game.)

Similarly, Paul WinoLJoDW was recently trying to persuade me to go to the upcoming concert of Fanfare Ciocărlia^* concert in Camden. I kept putting it off, on the grounds that it's a lot of money for a group I've never even heard of, but then decided that was more excuse-mongering, and bought a ticket anyway. So, does anyone want to go with me to that?

* Follow that link if you want to know what they sound like.

Comments

[withagreatlove]

I'm glad to hear you're coming out of mourning and wish you an easy 'journey'.

Heck, it's hard as anything to get out of the house in winter. At least I have a valid excuse: a young child. But teaming up with others is probably the best way to beat those procrastination monsters. Good luck!

[lethargic_man]

I came out of mourning at sundown on Boxing Day. By chance this was as Limmud started, so I was instantly able to spend a whole week doing things which had been closed to me for the previous twelve months: leading Shabbos services, attending parties, attending concerts, going to the cinema...

[withagreatlove]

How has it been for you to come out of it?

[green_knight]

I'm on the BBC mailing list, but have never yet gotten tickets, which is just a trifle annoying as I'm curious. I'm currently going out twice a month on a regular basis, and I have a feeling that once a week would be my limit in terms of spoons. Which is annoying, as I want to make more use of all the things London has to offer, but it's a long trek to anywhere and a hassle and it's just not going to happen all that often.

[lethargic_man]

How has it been for you to come out of it?

*shrug* I move on. As I've said to other people, mourning and grieving were partially out of sync for me. I had already done half of my grieving for my mother by the time she died. I found mourning rituals very helpful—most particularly at the funeral, where I didn't have to think about what to say or do, everything was pre-scripted for me and I just had to follow that script—but after twelve months, the point of ending mourning seemed almost arbitrary.

That was why I watched that bit of Dances With Wolves. Lt. Dunbar has fallen in love with Stands With A Fist, and all the other Sioux think they'd make a good match, but she is officially in mourning for her husband, and can't move her life on until she comes out of mourning, and that is in the hands of the tribal chief. One day (at the urging of his wife) the chief comes up to her and says "You are no longer in mourning", and that is that. It felt almost as arbitrary for me.

Not that I'm complaining; it's nice to have the ability back to do all the things I couldn't before. And I'm catching up on a year of comedy programmes recorded from Radio 4, and a backlog of episodes of Desert Island Discs.