(no subject)

[lethargic_man]

Rabbi Jonathan Wittenberg's father died last night. I have just attended the first shiva service. My question is: how much of an effort should I make to attend the subsequent ones? (I have little experience of attending shiva houses, and most of that a long time ago.) My relationship to him is one of congregant.

Comments

[liv]

I think you should try to attend the whole shiva, especially if there's any danger of not making a minyan. I don't think you should prioritize it over another thing that you've committed to doing or really passionately want to do, but you should prioritize it over having time to do your stuff in the evening.

I have a fair amount of experience of attending shiva, because it's a mitzvah that my Dad takes extremely seriously and I used to get dragged along quite a bit. I can tell you that in almost every case, having people faithfully show up every evening really makes a huge emotional difference. Even people who are not very close to the mourner, and even if the mourner is apparently popular.

That's probably not what you wanted to hear, but that's my opinion. It's slightly misleading to describe your relationship as just rabbi and congregant; you've enjoyed hospitality at R Wittenberg's place very often, almost regularly. I won't think badly of you if you decide you can't manage it; I know you do a lot for your community anyway. I just think this particular mitzvah is part of the bedrock of what holds a community together, and one of the most appreciated and needed things you can do for another human being.

[lethargic-man.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's any danger of not having a minyan; R. Wittenberg is a popular man, and it was pretty packed this evening. Still, I can spare the evenings. (And in particular Thursday evening, which clashes with the first of a new series of New North London Learning, which I wasn't thinking of attending anyway.)

The mornings, on the other hand... (7am, which means getting up at six (you think I'm going to cycle uphill to Finchley on an empty stomach?)) Well, what did you expect?

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

Mornings are a lot harder to get a minyan for, on the other hand, so if you can alter your transport habits just for the week, I'm sure he would appreciate it immensely.

[lethargic-man.livejournal.com]

Well I went there again tonight, and it was again packed—at least seventy people, and possibly more I couldn't see in the other arm of the L-shaped room. There were about half a dozen Maromniks present last night, and about the same number of Assifniks, and none of them were present again tonight apart from Chaim and myself; indeed, Chaim was the only non-family I saw on both nights.

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

If he's at all likely to have any trouble getting a minyan, definitely make every effort to get there. If he's sure of getting a minyan easily every day, going would be nice but not essential.

[lethargic-man.livejournal.com]

This is one of the largest shuls in the UK; I think the membership is something like four thousand. As I said upthread (http://lethargic-man.livejournal.com/142028.html?thread=507084#t507084), there were at least seventy people present both yesterday evening and tonight, with almost no overlap amongst the people I recognised, so I don't think getting a minyan is going to be a problem.