Living up to the Romani wedding ideal

[lethargic_man]

When Gogol Bordello performed "American Wedding" at the concert of theirs I went to, Eugene Hütz started by asking the audience, "Have you ever been to an American wedding?" (Unlikely, given that this was in Edinburgh.) With a chuckle, he then asked, "Have you ever been to a Brazilian wedding?" (Brazil being where he lives now.)

I was tempted to fire back "Have you ever been to a Jewish wedding", but didn't, because I thought that, although it probably scored a bit better than an American wedding (I've heard stories of Jews going to non-Jewish weddings, expecting there to be food as well as drinks at the reception, for example, and coming away afterwards ravenous), a typical Jewish wedding probably still fell far short of the multi-day extravaganza you might have seen on the Channel 4 documentary My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, or [ETA: see comments for reason for strikeout] as portrayed in the lyrics of the song:

Have you ever been to [an] American wedding?
Where's the vodka, where is marinated herring?
Where's the musicians that got the taste?
Where is the supply that gonna last three days?
Where is the band that, like Fanfare,
Gonna keep it going twenty-four hours?

Like in the song, you end up with people starting to drift off at one o'clock in the morning. On reflection, however, I think we'd have done a bit better than I thought: Though the wedding feast itself only lasts one day, in traditional Jewish society, friends of the couple host smaller-scale feasts for them throughout the next week, to which at least one person who has not attended the wedding will always be invited.

Not that Eugene Hütz is likely to have known that.

Postscript: I've been meaning to post this for a while; it's got nothing to do with the fact liv and jack are getting married in less than a week. Oh, except for the fact it reminded me to post this. And the fact they're having a four-day celebration with their friends, so good-comparison points to the two of you as well. Fancy inviting Eugene Hütz? ;^)

Comments

[liv]

Perhaps you've never been to a non-Jewish wedding but I've never attended a reception where there wasn't any food! Indeed every non-Jewish wedding I've been to has included a sit-down meal. Maybe somewhat more emphasis on the drink and less on the food than a Jewish wedding, but you certainly don't come away ravenous!

Also, I'm not convinced My big fat Gypsy wedding is a documentary, exactly. Pretty much all the commentary I've come across from people within the Gypsy / traveller / Romany communities implies that it's pretty much racist propaganda. At this year's Holocaust Memorial Day there was a piece written by some activists (but not performed by them, it was some kids from a local school acting out a script that had been written for the day) about a young teenager from a traveller background who was murdered a few years ago, and explicitly connecting the more recent rise in antizigan violence to hatred stirred up by the TV programme. I don't know, it maybe that I'm only hearing one side of the story, but I'm very reluctant to assume I know anything about the culture(s) based on that show.

[lethargic_man]

Perhaps you've never been to a non-Jewish wedding

Only rysmiel and papersky's, actually.

but I've never attended a reception where there wasn't any food! Indeed every non-Jewish wedding I've been to has included a sit-down meal.

I didn't mean the meal, I meant the reception beforehand.

Maybe somewhat more emphasis on the drink and less on the food than a Jewish wedding, but you certainly don't come away ravenous!

That was an extreme example I gave, but it was also based on a real case a friend told me, years ago: I can't remember any more. Maybe the friend wasn't invited to the meal. (I've been to one wedding where I was invited to the ceremony and the dancing but not the meal in between.)

Also, I'm not convinced My big fat Gypsy wedding is a documentary, exactly.

All right, scratch that, then. <consults his copy of The Gypsies, by Jan Yoors> Hmm... no mention of more than one day's celebrations there. I wonder where Hütz (who was not raised Romani (his mother is half-Roma) but now identifies with them strongly) is coming from, then.

[naath]

"the reception beforehand"? I guess sometimes people have a "drinks reception" whilst faffing with photography and such.

My experience of British Christian/Civil weddings is that there is a ceremony, then there is a meal (the "wedding breakfast" because if you are an observant Christian of a certain sort you don't eat before taking communion) which is usually a fairly formal thing, then there is a party with dancing and drinking and maybe (if it goes on long enough) more food.

I have been invited to the party part of weddings without being invited to the main meal (sit-down meals are expensive), but it has generally been clear on the invitation that this is to be the case along with what sort of food/drink is expected to be available.

But I've never been to a Jewish wedding; so I can't compare the amount of food.

[lethargic_man]

"the reception beforehand"? I guess sometimes people have a "drinks reception" whilst faffing with photography and such.

Yup; never been to a wedding (except rysmiel and papersky's, which was highly nonstandard) that didn't have it; only at a Jewish wedding, it's not just drinks, it's up to enough food that in one case I failed to realise a meal was coming and filled myself so far up I had trouble managing to fit the dinner in! (The reception was on a boat on the Seine; I hadn't realised all the traditional components would still happen, including the dancing, just afloat, with the Eiffel Tower going past all lit up with sparkly lights.)

My experience of British Christian/Civil weddings is that there is a ceremony, then there is a meal (the "wedding breakfast" because if you are an observant Christian of a certain sort you don't eat before taking communion)

Oh, they do that too? I thought (mutatis mutandis) it was just us. Though that doesn't apply to Jewish weddings (except for the groom, who traditionally fasts), as they normally start around three o'clock.